So I just found out that I'll be spending this summer in Israel staffing a NFTY trip as Rosh T'fillah! Needless to say, Jesse is very excited... but I find this part of me is tingling to go back to Kutz. I definately will be in Israel - I think it's the job of a lifetime... but man do I miss camp.
Damn you Joni Mitchell and your "don't know what you've got 'till it's gone." You're so right, and it hurts.
Friday, February 11, 2005
Tonight was a great night
Tonight was a great night. It's good to get drunk with good friends and sing Moxy Fruvous at 2 in the morning. I think it's really healthy - a catharsis of sorts. If songs that Moxy Fruvous wrote 12 years ago are able to help me release the stresses of the week (that and six pints of beer and a shot of Tequila) then I can go to sleep content that it's been a great night.
Thank you friends, you've made it a truly good day!
Thank you friends, you've made it a truly good day!
Monday, February 07, 2005
Sunday, February 06, 2005
wrestling with God
I spent the greater part of my day trying to wrestle with God. Not in the Jacob wrestling with God sense, but in the Jesse wrestling with his concept of God sense. Rabbi Elyse Goldstein is the scholar-in-residence at Shul this weekend, and she lead a really interesting lunch session on God concepts. Thinking about God is like thinking about infiniti, you can do it, but it really hurts sometimes. I find that the more I think about God, the more I realize I don't even know where to begin. But Rabbi Elyse said something this morning that really jumped out at me.
She said something along the lines of.... "It's very hard for me to think of God and how God exists in this world, but it's even harder for me to think of a world where God doesn't exist."
I think that I've always believed in God. I don't really remember a time where I didn't. But at that point this morning, I had this connection with my understanding of God that I've never really had before. I realized how scary it is for me to imagine a world where God doesn't exist and where God doesn't play an integral role in existence. I just can't wrap my mind around it. As difficult as it is for me to wrap my mind around the very idea of God, it's terrifying for me to even try to wrap my mind around the notion of a Godless world.
Of course I respect all people's approaches to God... everybody needs to come to the point where they meet what works for them. But in all honesty, I just don't understand atheists. I don't know how you can't look around this world and see God in everything. I don't know how you could imagine that everything that is came to be by accident. Please, somebody explain to me how that could be possible.
So that's been following me around all day. It's a part of my greater transformation and growth Jewishly as of late. I find myself wanting to know more/do more/learn more/experience more, but not necessarily knowing exactly how I want to go about doing these things. What I am certain of is that I'm frustrated and disenchanted with a lot of Reform Judaism. At the same time, I find it hard to imagine being anything other than a Reform Jew. I've had this talk with plenty of people, and I know that I'm not the only one thirsty for more.
What disturbs me is that it's come to the point where I feel more spiritual, more Jewish, and like I can be a better Jew when I'm with a group of people from Kesher (like last weekend in Miami), or with a group of Conservative/Orthodox Jews, than when I'm at my own shul (where I've been a member for almost 14 years). It shouldn't be this way.
Is this just displaced teenage angst surfacing five years later in Jewish form?
Do I dare ask the cliche existential question: Am I the only one? Cause I know that I'm not.
I know that I will change, and that I will find what works for me, and that I will grow as a result of all this. I just wish I didn't have to be angry at what's been an integral part of me for 13 years.
That being said, I did have a lovely and restful Shabbat. To top it off, I'm going to bed!
She said something along the lines of.... "It's very hard for me to think of God and how God exists in this world, but it's even harder for me to think of a world where God doesn't exist."
I think that I've always believed in God. I don't really remember a time where I didn't. But at that point this morning, I had this connection with my understanding of God that I've never really had before. I realized how scary it is for me to imagine a world where God doesn't exist and where God doesn't play an integral role in existence. I just can't wrap my mind around it. As difficult as it is for me to wrap my mind around the very idea of God, it's terrifying for me to even try to wrap my mind around the notion of a Godless world.
Of course I respect all people's approaches to God... everybody needs to come to the point where they meet what works for them. But in all honesty, I just don't understand atheists. I don't know how you can't look around this world and see God in everything. I don't know how you could imagine that everything that is came to be by accident. Please, somebody explain to me how that could be possible.
So that's been following me around all day. It's a part of my greater transformation and growth Jewishly as of late. I find myself wanting to know more/do more/learn more/experience more, but not necessarily knowing exactly how I want to go about doing these things. What I am certain of is that I'm frustrated and disenchanted with a lot of Reform Judaism. At the same time, I find it hard to imagine being anything other than a Reform Jew. I've had this talk with plenty of people, and I know that I'm not the only one thirsty for more.
What disturbs me is that it's come to the point where I feel more spiritual, more Jewish, and like I can be a better Jew when I'm with a group of people from Kesher (like last weekend in Miami), or with a group of Conservative/Orthodox Jews, than when I'm at my own shul (where I've been a member for almost 14 years). It shouldn't be this way.
Is this just displaced teenage angst surfacing five years later in Jewish form?
Do I dare ask the cliche existential question: Am I the only one? Cause I know that I'm not.
I know that I will change, and that I will find what works for me, and that I will grow as a result of all this. I just wish I didn't have to be angry at what's been an integral part of me for 13 years.
That being said, I did have a lovely and restful Shabbat. To top it off, I'm going to bed!
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Continuing my thievery of cool quotes from people's AOL profiles...
A kid goes to his dad and asks, "Dad, what are politics?"
His dad replies, " Put it this way; I am the breadwinner of the family so I am capitalism. Your mom is the owner of the money so she is government. The government is the provider for the people so you are the people. Your baby brother will be the future, and the nanny is the working class. Now think about that."
So he went to bed. He was woken by his brother. The baby had pooped in his diaper. He went to tell his parents, but he only found his mom asleep in the bed. He didn't want to wake her, so he went to the nanny. The door was locked. He checked through a hole and saw the dad in bed with the nanny.
The next morning, he went to his dad and said, "Dad I know what you mean now...
While capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, while the people are watching the future being pooped on."
His dad replies, " Put it this way; I am the breadwinner of the family so I am capitalism. Your mom is the owner of the money so she is government. The government is the provider for the people so you are the people. Your baby brother will be the future, and the nanny is the working class. Now think about that."
So he went to bed. He was woken by his brother. The baby had pooped in his diaper. He went to tell his parents, but he only found his mom asleep in the bed. He didn't want to wake her, so he went to the nanny. The door was locked. He checked through a hole and saw the dad in bed with the nanny.
The next morning, he went to his dad and said, "Dad I know what you mean now...
While capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, while the people are watching the future being pooped on."
My new Guitar!!!
Simon & Patrick Showcase Series
Rosewood with cutaway and a B-Band 4.2 pickup
Gloss finish
My new baby!!!
Sun = healthy, Snow = sick
I was perfectly healthy in Miami on the beach. Now I'm home and have come down with the flu. Unrelated coincidence, or a conspiracy by the American government to trick me into thinking warmer weather will keep me healthier? I vote American consiparcy. Call it Flu-gate.
Miami was incredible, the Zionist leadership conference provided me with a lot of great networking opportunities and the chance to hear some really inspiring speakers. But... the greatest thing that the conference gave me was...
A free trip to Israel!!!
Oh yes, that's right, my group won an advertising competition and we were all awarded gift certificates to use towards extended trips in Israel. I'm looking at doing a 5 month ulpan on Kibbutz Tzuba or possibly doing 2 1/2 months of Gadna and outdoor adventuring. It's really exciting to know that I'll be able to be back in Israel soon! I just feel bad that people I was with from Kesher didn't also win... we all got stuck in other groups. Oh well, it looks like they might be taking us to Israel anyways on a seperate training trip, so I hope that works out well.
In other news, shit's going down at the theatre. There seems to be a great lacking in the understanding and reasonability departments. People bitch about unnecessary things, and if there is reason to be upset about things, people express their concern in the most inappropriate ways. I'm tired of people complaining about things behind other people's backs. I'm tired of people not having either the decency or the guts to say things directly to people's faces. And I'm tired of the extreme lack of understanding. Just because people aren't going to be able to do something exactly the way you want it at the exact time you want it is no reason to challenege or question someone's dedication or committment.
Obviously I'm speaking personally here, but it's not only me - there are a number of people who have expressed the same sentiments and it's time that something is done. Maybe we need a revolution or a coup d'etat or... well I don't know. Maybe we can just reenact Les Mis and call it even. Or maybe people can simply be more understanding of each other. That would be nice.
In happier news, I'm off to L.A in a couple of weeks to staff NFTY convention. It'll be nice to see the beach and palm trees again!
That's all for now. I'm going to take a hot shower and then sweat all night long. Damn American conspirators.
Miami was incredible, the Zionist leadership conference provided me with a lot of great networking opportunities and the chance to hear some really inspiring speakers. But... the greatest thing that the conference gave me was...
A free trip to Israel!!!
Oh yes, that's right, my group won an advertising competition and we were all awarded gift certificates to use towards extended trips in Israel. I'm looking at doing a 5 month ulpan on Kibbutz Tzuba or possibly doing 2 1/2 months of Gadna and outdoor adventuring. It's really exciting to know that I'll be able to be back in Israel soon! I just feel bad that people I was with from Kesher didn't also win... we all got stuck in other groups. Oh well, it looks like they might be taking us to Israel anyways on a seperate training trip, so I hope that works out well.
In other news, shit's going down at the theatre. There seems to be a great lacking in the understanding and reasonability departments. People bitch about unnecessary things, and if there is reason to be upset about things, people express their concern in the most inappropriate ways. I'm tired of people complaining about things behind other people's backs. I'm tired of people not having either the decency or the guts to say things directly to people's faces. And I'm tired of the extreme lack of understanding. Just because people aren't going to be able to do something exactly the way you want it at the exact time you want it is no reason to challenege or question someone's dedication or committment.
Obviously I'm speaking personally here, but it's not only me - there are a number of people who have expressed the same sentiments and it's time that something is done. Maybe we need a revolution or a coup d'etat or... well I don't know. Maybe we can just reenact Les Mis and call it even. Or maybe people can simply be more understanding of each other. That would be nice.
In happier news, I'm off to L.A in a couple of weeks to staff NFTY convention. It'll be nice to see the beach and palm trees again!
That's all for now. I'm going to take a hot shower and then sweat all night long. Damn American conspirators.
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